


Not Perfect, but Close Enough

by Fandoms_are_my_lifestyle



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Cuties, Getting Together, Love, M/M, YouTube, these two idiots in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-11
Updated: 2015-08-11
Packaged: 2018-04-14 02:33:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4546824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fandoms_are_my_lifestyle/pseuds/Fandoms_are_my_lifestyle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"...He's been my best friend for almost seven years, and... Yeah. I'm in love with him. But he doesn't love me back, so it's hopeless. Forever pining and all that... It hurts."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Perfect, but Close Enough

**Author's Note:**

  * For [danteasers](https://archiveofourown.org/users/danteasers/gifts).



> To Alex, AKA Danteasers, who told me that if I didn't post this NOW she would find me and slap some sense into me. I don't really know how this gifting thing works, but just know... This is for you. 
> 
> And to the real Alyssa - you're not old or grey, but you are one of my best friends. Love you Lyssa!!!

_**Phil.** _

_**P H I L.** _

_It's funny sometimes, the fact that four small words can somehow become your universe._

_One day, you're a fully independent person, and then suddenly you turn around and you are entirely codependent on one person._

_That was how it was between him and Phil._

_Dan knew that he was in love with his best friend. Hell, he'd known for years. That didn't make it any better, since Dan also knew that Phil would never love him back._

_Phil was... He was perfect. Sunshine and smiles and kittens and rainbows. He was everything Dan aspired to be in life and more._

_Even though Dan was the greater known of the pair, he always knew that Phil was better. More important. The greatest person alive._

_Phil should have more subscribers than him. Phil deserved all the subscribers in the world, because of how good a person he was. Phil deserved the world..._

_And God did Dan wish he could be the one to give it to him._

* * *

 

_**Dan.** _

_**D A N.** _

_He'd been such a different person, when Phil'd met him._ _Depressed, unconfident, Dan had been... Dark. Black. Murky._

_Dan had told him the first time they met that his favorite color was black. When Phil'd asked again, almost four years later, Dan had said blue._

_Phil was so happy that Dan was now comfortable with himself. It had taken so long for him to get there, and sometimes he still wavered, but it was all uphill for them._

_Four million subscribers, almost Five... And Phil couldn't be more proud of his best friend._

_He had Dan, close to three million people watching him, over two hundred million views... He had everything he could possibly desire._

_No. That was a lie._

_Because the one thing Phil truly desired was unreachable, as well as totally unrealistic. He may have Dan, but he would never truly **have** Dan. Not in the way he wanted, anyways. _

_Phil had fallen in love with Dan so long ago, it was almost a part of his personality. Crazy hair, captivating person, in love with Dan Howell..._

_And almost everyone could see it. The Phans, their friends, everyone... Except the one who mattered most._

_Dan would never see how much Phil loved him... And that was a good thing._

_Because Daniel Howell would never, ever love Phil back._

* * *

 

_Fighting with your best friend hurts._

_Fighting with your best friend who you're secretly in love with hurts even more._

_Fighting with your best friend who you happen to be in love with while in a place you've only been too a couple times before was the hands down worst._

_Granted, they've been going to Anaheim for years, but that didn't mean Dan knew his way around it more then the immediate vidcon area. So in hindsight, running out onto the streets of California was probably not the greatest idea._

_There was no going back now, though. To go back would be to admit defeat, and there was no way Dan was going to do that._

_What had they even been arguing about anyways?? Dan couldn't remember, which meant that Phil probably didn't either..._

_It had been a long day. That was probably all it was... A long day caused tension, he'd snapped at Phil over something or other, and now Dan was aimlessly pacing the streets of Anaheim._

_A bad idea if there ever was one._

_He'd gone too far, he'd taken to many twisty turns, and now he was hopelessly lost._

_He couldn't call Phil, though. He wouldn't. Calling Phil would mean admitting defeat, and Dan didn't do defeat._

_Not that his phone would even work if he wanted to call Phil... Stupid America._

_Dan sat down on a bench in front of him, resting his head on his hands._

_God, he was such an idiot... He never should've left like that. And now he was lost._

_He let a couple of tears slip past his defenses. He didn't care anymore. All he cared about was Phil. He wanted Phil..._

"Are you alright, dearie??"

_The voice from above him is kind, worn by years of use, and most definitely not Phil._

_He looks up at the kindly old lady above him._

"Yes... No. No. Yes?"

_She chuckles._

"Very specific. That's my shop behind you, why don't you come on in?? I'll make you some coffee."

_Her tiny shop is called '"Lyssa's Lace" and is full of mending and tailoring equipment. She introduces herself as Alyssa, the owner and tailor of the tiny little town of Balboa Island, some 17.9 miles away from Anaheim._

_Dan will never find out how he walked 17 miles... Though he had been walking for more than 6 hours._

_Alyssa makes very good coffee._

"You must really love her,"

_She says knowledgeably._

"Sorry, um, what?? And it's... A him, actually."

_She nods slowly, but not as if she disproves, just as if she was waiting for more._

"Sorry... How did you know??"

"You had that look to you,"  _she said kindly._ "You would do anything for him. Also, you kept whispering' I'm sorry love' to yourself for some reason. It's not hard."

_He smiled to himself._

"His name is Phil, and he's been my best friend for almost seven years, and... Yeah. I'm in love with him. But he doesn't love me back, so it's hopeless. Forever pining and all that... It hurts."

 _She nods slowly._ "And he's told you he doesn't love you back?? You know this for sure??"

 _He sighs._ "No... But it's not possible."

"Why not?"

"Because he's Phil. He's perfect, and shiny and beautiful and amazing and... I could never be enough for someone like that. It's not possible."

"And how do you know he doesn't feel the same about you, Daniel?? Take it from a grandmother who's seen generations of love... If you have that much love for him, it's probably returned. This kind of thing always turns out alright, you'll see."

"But... I could never be enough for him. He's everything to me... And he would reject me and then what would I do?? I don't have life without him. He is..."

_Dan broke off, falling silent._

_'He's everything.'_

"Dan... I think, that if you were to try telling him, it would work in your favor. After all, being best friends for 7 years is no small deal... And if he's the person you seem to know he is, there's no way he wouldn't love you."

_Dan lifted his head, thought for a moment._

"You really think so??"

_Alyssa smiled kindly at him._

"Of course. C'mon, I'll drive you where you need to go... Go get your man!!"

* * *

 

_The best thing about Phil is that when Dan walks through the door at two in the morning, Phil isn't angry anymore._

_Phil wouldn't know how to hold a grudge if his life depended on it._ _Instead, he immediately sweeps Dan into a huge bear hug._

"Dan... Don't ever do that to me again, okay? You have no idea how worried I was!! Where did you even go?!"

"I... I'm sorry, Phil."

"Sorry about what?? The little argument we had?? It was stupid, Dan, obviously it's forgiven and forgotten."

"No... Phil... I'm sorry..."

"Dan..." 

 _Dan was scaring Phil._ _Dan didn't want this. He didn't want to scare Phil. No._

"I'm sorry... I lov-"

_He couldn't say it, and yet - enough had been said._

_Enough... Just enough._

_He braced himself for the inevitable heartbreak... But all he heard was silence._

_Phil was staring down at him, stunned._

"...Philly?"

"Dan..."

_He couldn't take this. The silence, waiting for someone to break. It was so painful._

_And then, almost as if pulled together by a string, Phil leaned towards Dan..._

_And then they connected, and an inferno raged in Dan's stomach as Phil's mouth hit his, impossibly soft and warm against Dan's cold chapped ones..._

_Phil tasted of peppermint and happiness and all things good in the world. Phil was everything, everywhere, and Dan was drowning in him, drowning, drowning...._

_And it was over. Too soon it was over, and Dan felt the loss as Phil pulled away._

"So..."

_Dan laughed nervously._

"So."

"Dan... I really like you."

 _Dan stared at him._ "What are you, eleven?"

 _Phil smirked._ "Maybe,"

"Ohmigod Phil."

 _Phil looked at him, suddenly serious._ "I'm serious, though. I... Dan, I-"

"I know," _Dan said. Boy, they were both such idiots... But now they knew. Finally._ "I love you too."

* * *

_**Love.** _

_**L O V E.** _

_Love was a funny thing._

_Love could start wars. It could drive a man insane. It could be the most painful feeling in the world, especially if it was unrequited. Dan knew that all too well._

_But love could also be the most beautiful feeling in the world. It was waking up in the morning to someone else's smiling face. It was morning kisses over cereal and anime. It was drowning in someone else's eyes, valuing someone else's opinion and needs. It was beautiful._

_It isn't perfect. There is no such thing, after all. They still fight over stupid petty things. Phil still steals Dan's cereal, Dan still stays up all hours of the night with his existential crisis's. But now, Dan simply laughed louder when Phil steals his cereal and Phil comes to lay next to Dan during his crisis days._

_It's not perfect, but they're doing the best they can._

_They come out to the Phans three months later, and they get so much support. The occasional hate comment stings, of course, but the overwhelming amount of support and love they get is amazing._

_One year later, 7 years to the day since they first met, Phil takes Dan on the London Eye, and at the top he gets down on one knee. Dan starts to cry. He is so overwhelmingly happy he cannot speak and it takes him three tries to say 'Yes'. He does it though, and Phil's answering smile is so bright it blinds Dan._

_It is the happiest day of their lives._

_The wedding is gorgeous, heart wrenching and there is not a dry eye in the room as they say their vows. Dan tells Phil that Phil is the best thing that has ever happened to him and his mother cries. Phil tells Dan that Dan is the only person he would ever want to spend forever with and Dan cries. It's sappy, it's so fluffy it rots everyone's teeth, and it is beautiful._

_The first time Dan sees Phil hold their little boy, he is blinded by the cuteness. He pulls out his phone to take pictures of every single moment: Phil holding Jamie, Phil giving Jamie a bottle, Phil and Jamie asleep on the couch._

_Their life is good. It's not perfect, because there's no such thing as perfect._

_It's not perfect, but it's pretty darn close._

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not crying, you're crying... Nah, who am I kidding. We're all crying.


End file.
